Xeno's Paradox. It has been (114) days since I last reset this sign!

Or you may not.

But whether you've read my words on the subject, I'm not the only one who's starting to ask questions.

See, British Petroleum hasn't just had a dismal safety record; no, their ongoing miscreancy crosses genres and invades the financial sector, as well. In fact, the only reason their executives haven't already gone to jail is because they bought their way out of trouble; they agreed to give the Justice Department $373 million in exchange - basically - for allowing BP to throw their trading department under the bus as scapegoats and save the senior executives from criminal charges.

That would be the largest fine for market manipulations ever recorded until 2009.

So what did they do?

Well, they intentionally stockpiled their propane gas supplies so they could bet against propane futures and then dump their stockpile on the market, thus making them (another) fortune while simultaneously causing everyone else in the world who had invested in propane futures to lose their ass. (Pictured: Guilty, arrogant douchebag.)

That would be massive assholery, right there.

Of course, there's also the little matter of the highest fine ever recorded for violations of the Clean Air Act, following BP's total refusal to fix the safety problems at the Texas City refinery that blew up in 2005, even after they rebuilt the plant; another $87 million in fines there.

But that of course isn't all; they paid another $16 million in fines both to the feds and Alaska after they spilled 200,000 gallons of crude oil from a poorly maintained pipeline in Prudhoe Bay - a pipeline which when investigated proved to be almost worn through from untreated corrosion in several places, and without sufficient leak detection. (Pictured: BP's "overhead costs.")

BP's safety issues have, in the last 5 years, resulted in 30 deaths and over 200 injuries.

Oh, and remember that huge new coral reef in the Gulf of Mexico that was all kinds of environmental good news? Kiss it goodbye; it was only 20 miles from the Deepwater Horizon and is almost certainly dead by now. (Pictured: Future Greenie Outrage.)

And guess what? They were the more reliable choice to fix the Gulf spill. The MOST reliable choice. The ONLY choice, as opposed to any of the domestic oil companies, which our delirious and deluded but perpetually campaigning president decided not to call in.

See, when someone says "calling for the president to take over the spill cleanup is the same as telling him to take over and operate a business!" not only YOU should know that they're full of it, but THEY know they're full of it too; the two are nothing alike. There is a difference so vast between governmental operation of a private business and the government asking other oil companies to help seal the massive undersea leak that they cannot be compared, and whoever's talking to you knows that as well as you should - they're just counting on you to NOT know it, and get all flustered when you can't respond. (Pictured: Ignorance.)

Fix your ignorance first, and you can be the one casually dismissing their obviously spurious strawman arguments. Doesn't that feel good?

On a slightly different note, don't email AT&T to ask questions or complain. Because - apparently - emailing their executives will result in legal threats. Who knew it was unwelcome to tell the CEO of AT&T that their corporate practices are pissing off their customers? (Pictured: A second arrogant douchebag.)

At any rate, if you email the CEO of AT&T, you can expect a cease and desist letter.